spend one more day backed into a corner


With the new year, there is so much going on that reflecting on the year that was and the year coming up is a nearly violent thing to do inside the deep crevasses of my cerebellum. Just the fact that I’m here in Vancouver is the beginning. I left behind everything that I knew to explore a life unknown. That’s huge, but incredibly selfish once I consider all the rest. Both of my parents have had a brush with cancer within the past few months, both of them taking the surgery option and, so far, evading the worst. People have come and gone from my family in acquaintance, near and extended, that it’s almost like trying to keep up with the roster of the Chicago Cubs for the upcoming season.

I was in Lawrence, Kansas celebrating at Muffin’s this time last year, working more hours than I was paid for, listening to promise after promise of a full time slot at the radio station only to see absolutely nothing happen as each deadline passed, and stuck in limbo of being a full time worker in a lush of a college town. Rebecca came into my life, and slowly that gap between us wore on me too much that something needed to change in my life through drastic measures. Albeit crazy, I’m here. I left Iowa behind and am setting out on something I could not even begin to guess what the result will be. Vancouver is an amazing city, and there is a lot for me here. This is where I want to be. It’s not about having more things to do. It’s about expanding the horizons of my career.

A year ago, I was complaining about resolutions. Perhaps is the amount of free time I have, but I think I have things that I need to think about. I still won’t call them resolutions. I hate that term. I’m just saying that I feel a need to be more of myself through this outlet than I have been in the two years that I have been working on this blog. This is what is, and I can do what I want, when I want, whatever I want, and so on and so on. It’s not a resolution. It’s just more of me being me.

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